A brief report on a recent negative experience, from which I quickly learned and simultaneously realized what I now have for it and who/what is there to help me.
When a lot comes together
In the morning, I had a photo shoot with a lady I found unfriendly. I felt uncomfortable and left after 30 minutes. Afterwards, I was sad and a bit upset. It would have been nice if it had been a pleasant and positive experience. But, oh well.
After that, My boyfriend and I went to the Red Cross Bazaar. Fortunately – or unfortunately – I remembered my Loop earplugs and took them with me (unfortunately because I might have turned back much more quickly without them). We took a round, it was also nice because I had the impression that people were friendly, and there was a lot to see. The fact that everything was voluntary and donated gave the whole thing a special atmosphere!
However, there were incredibly many people, and in addition, we caught the moment when a known personality, politicians, police, military, photographers, and journalists were there. So suddenly, where we stood, it became immensely crowded, and I didn’t know how to get out. The lady at the stand was friendly and helped find a way through the crowd. I actually wanted to buy a gift there, but I couldn’t think clearly and or make a reasonable decision.
I had to leave because I just felt how irritated and overwhelmed I was. My boyfriend understood that well and reacted quickly with “Ok, let’s go.” Of course, he could have stayed longer if he’d wanted to. Outside, I cursed a few times, „That was the worst, that was the last time!“ And I was convinced that it was the last time that I went to that Bazaar.
Expanding Limits, Respecting Boundaries
Sometimes, I try out new situations and notice that I can’t handle them. Even though I have expanded my comfort zone and gained more skills to deal with intense emotions, social interactions, and sensory stimuli, some boundaries remain. My nervous system doesn’t change in the sense of becoming less sensitive or less autistic. It frustrates and fascinates me sometimes.
After a while at home, I was able to breathe and laugh again. It was just bad luck. A few elements had come together that I hadn’t anticipated and it cost my nervous system more than I had thought. When I noticed them individually, I didn’t react to them with alarm. And didn’t realise that they were accumulating.
Drawing on Resources and Strategies
I don’t necessarily want to avoid new situations. However, I realised once again how important some of my psychologist’s tips are: Have a few escape plans in mind. Be generally prepared. If something goes wrong, how can you get yourself out of there quickly and safely and preferably without harm. Take care of yourself afterward, so that disappointment, shame, sadness, and fear don’t take over.
Sometimes, humor also helps. I notice how I can now smile about this story. It turned out okay. Even if I’m still a bit exhausted and a bit slow at processing information.
The following helps in experiencing or processing difficult situations:
- A companion who knows me and reacted spontaneously and understandingly.
- A helpful and compassionate outsider.
- Supportive material.
- A simple and quick escape route.
- Then time to recover.
A New Attempt Next Year
Yes, if I look at it now, then I think that I will dare to go to the Bazaar again next year. Because it really looked nice, and people were very friendly. Maybe then, should our paths cross again, I can smile at the personality and calmly buy my gift. Instead of running away.